The Best/Worst Part Of Being Human

You know the best/worst thing that exists in a human? Emotions. Pure and simple. Scratch that, there's nothing simple and very rarely pure about them...

But I'm more specifically talking about empathy - the ability to feel what someone else is feeling - and caring - when someone else's experiences have an emotional impact on you even though they may not have any "practical" effect. These are what may be affected when you watch a movie or read a book. For instance, if you cried at key moments of 'The Lion King', 'Old Yeller', 'The Fox and the Hound', or 'Big Hero 6'.

Me... I cry a lot. I cry a lot more when it comes to fictional worlds, than my own. But why is that? Why is it that almost every episode of 'Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D', or nearly any song from 'Hamilton' or 'Dear Evan Hansen' will cause tears, but I struggle to consistently feel real emotion when it comes to big events in my own life? 

Although, if I'm depressed enough, it will keep me from feeling anything for the characters that I love.

Being human is such a mixed bag.

Yes we have emotions! 

But...

We have, emotions. 

And sometimes... a lot of times... I hate that about us...

But other times... I get high off of them. Joy... and pain. And as many addictions go... I don't want to give it up. 

But here's the catch: I'm only addicted to pain, if it's someone else's. I will soak up the hurt of anyone I care about, real or fictional, until I am literally overflowing. And I will keep coming back for more, even though I physically ache, my face is stained with the salty tears, my nose is dripping, and my eyes sting. Even though I cannot suffer it quietly, and often bury my face in a pillow to muffle the cries. I will always come back to partake in whatever emotions they have. 

However... if it's my own pain... I will avoid it, hide from it, mask it... anything that I can to forget about it - and it's become so normal that I feel wrong if it's not there in the shadows - or I will allow a part of myself to take over... a part that I don't like showing to people... a piece that doesn't have emotions... unless curiosity counts. And I only let him have control when I am in so much pain that I can no longer function. Because when that's the case, I am always alone. If I let him out when I'm with others... then I don't really know what he'd I'd do. He's manipulative... a man of science and learning... with a much smaller conscience, and a much better poker face. But enough about him. 

When I get invested in something or someone... I tend to do so wholeheartedly. And that makes it hard sometimes... because I get stretched thin. Between this life, and the fictional worlds that I love, I have a hell of a lot to care about, and it gets to be too much every once in a while, but I don't mind.

In conclusion.

Don't make a super intelligent A.I. that will eventually become envious of human's ability to feel.