Feel Numb

If you fight to live with depression, you know how it is. Hours, days, or weeks when you don't feel, or everything is so numb that you just don't register emotions.
It's difficult to carry on on days like that. But for me, I force myself to keep going anyway, because of my anxiety telling me that if I don't, I'll be letting everyone down.

Numbdays are a sludge to move through, and that's how I feel right now actually. I can hardly type this, because my mind isn't processing sentences quickly enough, and i'm forgetting how to spell. And I don't have the drive to say anything, or to work, or do anything at all. It's like being a mold for a concrete made of boredom. I just sit frozen, staring off into space, the only movement is my breathing and an occasional twitch in my neck or knee. My hands feel too heavy to lift, and if my mind is working at all then it's a prisoner screaming at the guard. Days like this, I don't even eat or drink. My stomach could be rumbling loud enough for everyone to hear, but it doesn't move me. The ringing in my ears will climb higher and higher in volume, but I won't turn on music to drown it out.

I just sit, in pain and apathy.

I honestly don't know how I'm managing to write at all right now. it's more than I usually am capable of.

I've been browsing Netflix for something but selecting nothing, looking up comics I used to read but ignoring them as soon as they are found, looking through the games I have but not feeling able to rise to the challenge that I've always craved.

I close my eyes for a moment and already cannot open them again. I feel my head slump forward so slowly that a snail would be bored, until my chin hits my chest. I'm uncomfortable but can't shake myself back into the world of the living.