So... Very... Tired... part... 2...

I'm super tired. I just pulled an all-nighter, and I am actually having trouble typing due to the fact that I'm barely able to move. My head is uncontrollably bobbing around, and my limbs feel sorta numb... and I have class all day today! *sarcastic voice* This will be fun!

I just hope I survive.

Seriously y'all. Don't be me. Don't do something crazy exhausting for two years without a break and then top school on as well. I might not make it, but at least you can learn from my mistakes! Not-jokes aside, I have really enjoyed most of the last two years, but there are definitely moments when I wish I hadn't been so overzealous. I'm dead tired.

If I survive, you'll hear from me again! ...eventually...

Good day!

20 questions that will reveal my true self?

Here are 20 questions that will reveal my true self...?

I got this list from Power of Positivity

Self discovery is something that I guess you could say I'm obsessed with. I want/need to know who I am, in order to truly be me...

that might not have made sense...

This list is going to involve me being very vulnerable, but if that's what it takes then I'll do it. So please respect and understand that this may reveal sides of me that you hadn't seen before.


Let's dive right in shall we?

20 QUESTIONS TO ASK SOMEONE THAT WILL 

REVEAL THEIR TRUE SELF

1. What’s your life motto, or philosophy you live by? 

I am a bit like Sally Brown, finding new philosophies by the day.

Some of them are:

• Do no harm, take no s***
• Everything happens for a reason
• Don't cry over spilled milk, but if you cry don't feel bad about the tears
• Don't let anyone control you
• Never be ashamed of who you are - unless you are harming others.

2. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

Well to be honest... I don't particularly like myself... but... I guess... maybe the way my voice sounds when I sing Evanescence songs. 

3. Do you follow a religion or spiritual practice?

I'm a Christian

4. What was the best time of your life?

i don't know. 

5. What was the worst thing that ever happened to you?

well... this one is kinda hard. I lived under abuse from my dad for 15 years. so it's kinda hard to pick one thing. but i think it would be when my family had to leave the church that was my whole world. all my friends went there and it was where i felt at home. in an instant everything that mattered most to me was torn away - because of my dad's actions during the church service that morning - and i don't think i'll ever fully recover from that. 

6. What’s your biggest dream?

Being known for my acting

7. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

a doctor, or beautician, or an astronomer, or a deep sea marine biologist, or a herbal botanist, or a writer, or an actor.

8. What was/is your biggest accomplishment?

Playing Ariel in The Little Mermaid jr. / surviving 

9. Why do you think we’re all here?

that is an excellent question

10. What was your best relationship?

If this is about romantic relationships I have nothing to say there, because I've never been in one. But I have a lot of friendships that mean the world to me. 

11. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

Make love stronger

12. Do you like your job? If not, what would you like to do instead?

I currently don't have a job. I need to get one...

13. What are your favorite hobbies?

hobbies... drawing and reading

14. If money was no object, what would you do in life?

I would travel the world. I would help my community theatre grow. I would go see broadway shows and other big productions. I would buy a house in Southern California. I would eat how I want to. I would live in NYC and audition for shows for a while. I would make, buy, and support art

15. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I doubt it. I really don't think that I have that power.

16. What are you thankful for?

My friends. Without them, I probably wouldn't still be here.

17. What do you wish people understood more about you?

Well... kinda everything... that I'm a wildly varied person. That I feel very deeply and feel everyone's pain. That I have depression and anxiety, and just because I can hide it most of the time doesn't mean that it isn't severe. That I'm an asexual, and that it's not "just a phase."

18. If you could turn back time and do anything differently, would you?

There is one thing I did a couple months ago that I might change... but it's too personal to go into details... no... I said I'd be vulnerable... I told my crush that I liked him. I think I might want to go back and take back my words. Because of the confusion and pain and vulnerability and heartache that followed. However... it's really best not to want to change anything. Just learn how to deal with and make the most of the consequences. I mean, everyone has someone break their heart at some point. Though I've been broken-hearted before, this was the first time that it was in this situation. But anyway, I usually live by the philosophy that everything happens for a reason, and it's not something to try and change.

19. What’s the craziest, or most exciting thing you’ve ever done?

Heh, my life hasn't had a lot of crazy exciting things, so I guess the answer is riding roller-coasters. I love roller-coasters! And they definitely get my adrenaline going.

20. What do you think about most often?

I'm not sure that there is just one thing... I think about a lot... life and death... what show is coming next... how much work I'm behind on... how I'm a burden to everyone... how much I want to play various roles... how people don't understand asexuality... how much I love my friends, and how I might very well be dead without them... I guess my friends are what occupy my thoughts the most.

____________


Well... that was interesting for me. It got me thinking about a lot.

Did you learn anything new about me? Or about yourself? Tell me what you think! If you write a post, filling this out for yourself, put a link in the comments! I'd love to learn about you.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

...so...very...tired...

Well ladies and gents, I completely failed in keeping up the October challenge, due to being crazy busy and exhausted. I was in a production of Sweeney Todd, and my college dance concert, and I am now in a Christmas talent showcase of sorts.

Sweeney Todd went very well, and was a lot of fun! Sondheim is a musical genius. I made new friends! One cast member - how was also in charge of set changes - got his hand smashed on the second to last performance, I was his second in command, so I then had to take charge to make sure everything happened and all his moves got covered. But it was all good in the end! His hand is recovering, and i got experience in on the spot problem solving.

The dance show also went well, and I have two very bruised knees to show for it!

October was also a month in which I was very depressed a lot, which made everything even harder to do.

So I apologize for disappearing yet again. I am starting to come to grips with that just being how I am. I will work on it. But for now, I'm a frequently AWOL blogger.

Goodnight all! I will try to have another post up soon!

Agents and Assassins, Beautiful Books

So, I haven't really talked about my writing in quite a while, so I'm going to participate in Beautiful Books! The blog link-up for writers, hosted by Further Up And Further In. If you don't know what it is go over there to read the rules. I'm too lazy to type them out right now...

So here we go. I'm going to use my WIP 'Agents and Assassins'.

1. What inspired the idea for your novel, and how long have you had the idea? Actually, I was watching Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time, a couple of years ago, and I got the idea for a scene with a mysterious woman in black and a clueless hero arguing in a desert, so I wrote that scene and the story branched off from there. :)

2. Describe what your novel is about! It is about a very average young man named John Fletcher, and how he meets an easily upset young woman - who happens to be a secret agent - and gets swept up in a crazy adventure to stop an evil mastermind

3. What is your book’s aesthetic? Use words or photos or whatever you like! Check out my pinterest board: Agents and Assassins

none of the images are mine, i found them on pinterest

ditto the previous caption

I made this on Polyvore

4. Introduce us to each of your characters! The main characters are: John Fletcher 21-year-old photographer, ran away from home on his best friend's airplane, a bit clueless and apathetic, does as he's told. Naya Law; easily angered, young woman, hates incompetence, been an agent since teen years. Cary Hitchcock; friendly, focused, young man, agent, captain of the team that Naya is on. Gigi Taylor, (I haven't written her yet, but she is awesome. No one is allowed to know anything about her just yet.). 

5. How do you prepare to write? (Outline, research, stocking up on chocolate, howling, etc.?) I usually hang out with the characters in my head and watch them in my imagination until I have enough material to work with for a while.

6. What are you most looking forward to about this novel? The twists. And the emotional and/or dark scenes. I love these characters, so I'm looking forward to spending time with them. :)

7. List 3 things about your novel’s setting. Planes. Deserts. Secret bases.

8. What’s your character’s goal and who (or what) stands in the way? John's goal is to stop the evil mastermind. What stands in his way is the fact that he is untrained and doesn't have the knowledge or skill necessary.  

9. How does your protagonist change by the end of the novel? He becomes an agent (maybe), and gets more emotionally balanced.

10. What are your book’s themes? How do you want readers to feel when the story is over? I guess the themes are: Working through hardship. Friendship. Learning to live with a great sorrow. Helping others though trauma. 

I want readers to be inspired to reach their goal. Whether that goal is saving the world, or saving a friend, or saving themselves. 

Thank you for coming on this adventure with me! 

And if you're new to my blog, be sure to have a look around, and drop me a comment!

See you later! 

Day 7: Kayla's 31 Days Of October Challenge, continues.

I feel as though I need to explain a couple things about this challenge. The books I that I'm posting about, I have read, but am not currently reading, I'm not trying to read a book in a day (even I'm not that good).
I guess that was the only thing...

And so it continues!
Day 6:

A Damsel in Distress by P.G. Wodehouse

Day 7:

The Young Carthaginian by G.A. Henty

I didn't post yesterday because I by the time I had the time I was really struggling with depression, and I couldn't type. But I'm better at the moment, so yay! I can put this up now!

Later today I will be dressing up as this guy!:

For something or other, I don't really understand, but it's to support the arts so I'm game.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

#kaylas31daysofoctoberchallenge

5 out of 31 - October Challenge

Day 5 Of: Kayla's 31 Days Of October Challenge!

(so far, I'm the only one doing this... oh well...)

Today's book is a 'riches-to-rags-and-back-to-riches' story about a little girl with a very strong imagination.

A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett:

#kaylas31daysofoctoberchallenge

And today's clothing ensemble:

In other news... well... there really isn't any other news... I'm exceedingly busy, and kinda very worn out. And at this particular moment, I'm struggling emotionally... nothing out of the ordinary, but it's still tough to deal with.

Are any of y'all going to be participating in NaNoWriMo this year?

I plan on it, but I haven't decided what I'll be working on.

Day 4: Double The Fun!

Kayla's 31 Days Of October continues! And today you get double the fun! (Because I missed posting yesterday...)

Sorry for that. I was not home, therefore unable to get it ready and done.
I guess I really ought to just have these pre-prepared... but how much more fun is it to just make it up as you go along? Answer: A lot.

So here are yesterday's and today's:

Books:
Oct 3rd - Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Oct 4th - The House At Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne

Polyvore sets:

Let me know what you think! And if you have any questions, be sure to put them in the comments!
See you tomorrow!
#kaylas31daysofoctoberchallenge

Day 2 - October's 31 Days

Day 2 of the Kayla's 31 Days Of October Challenge!
And just to be clear, there is no deadline if you want to join me in doing this. You can start at anytime.

Today's Book: The Fault In Our Stars - by John Green
This book is so good! As soon as I finished it I wanted to start it over. And so I expect I will be re-reading very soon.

And Today's Polyvore Set:

I am enjoying this very much. Maybe it will help me with getting blog inspiration.

Anyway! Just so you aren't getting a tiny post everyday, I will also be sharing my thoughts on things, or sharing info on my characters, because I realize that I haven't talked about any of my stories in quite some time.

Here's a few sentences about October:

"October Second" the calendar declared, not quite as excitedly as it had said "October First" but with more cheer than it would say "October Third."
The coffee mug on the counter giggled about the falling leaves, and the candle on the table sang of apples and pumpkins.



If you have any questions you want to hear my answer to, please put them in the comments and I will answer them in the next post.

October's 31 Days

On this, the first day of October, I have an announcement of sorts.

feel free to steal this image to use on your own blogs
I made it using Pixlr

I am creating a challenge called Kayla's 31 Days of October.
Here are the rules:

• Step 1 - pick a topic e.g. books, music, art, movies, people, food, etc...
• Step 2 - every day post a picture of, or, write a blog post about something related to your topic and mark it with the hashtag #Kaylas31DaysOfOctoberChallenge 
• Step 3 - if you write a blog post for the challenge, put a link to it in the comments!

I will be participating using two topics, books - on Instagram - and Polyvore clothing sets that I'll be putting together. And then I will use my blog to show both in one place.

Today's Polyvore outfit:

And the book of the day: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and other stories - by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Loved and Lost

Words that are so frequently quoted that I fear that people no longer stop to think it through before they just simply agree... 

It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.

I don’t know what was going through the mind of Tennyson when he wrote that. I don’t know the context of that phrase. Or if he meant it. Or if he was speaking only for himself; or for the whole of humanity.

It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.

I disagree. For to love, is to hurt. And I don't like pain. You may try to argue with me, but believe me, all loves hurt, if only when the object of that love leaves, or dies, or in any other way ends.  But love will continue on - except maybe for the lucky ones, where it was the love and not the object that died, but then... can that really be called love? - it will stubbornly continue to make life difficult, and sometimes downright miserable. How can it be better to live with pain, when the other choice is: never feel the joy that causes the pain.

It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.

Even temporary separation hurts, only when you are with someone you love are you likely to feel the happiness.

On the other hand, perhaps "better" is not something for me to decide or understand. Maybe there is something to be gained that I have not discovered... 

I wouldn't give up love now that I have it, but I think I would rather never to felt it at all. For without love, there is no pain, no fear. 

But is a painless life worth living?

Is a love-filled life worth hurting over?

Do I love? Yes. I love a lot of people. And I don't love halfheartedly... so perhaps that is why it hurts. Perhaps that is why I'm scared. Scared of "loved and lost". Scared of being the only one to fall. Scared of being the last one to lose. 






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