Friday, February 23, 2018

Actually Good

Hey everyone,

For the last week or so I have been experiencing something that is a bit of a phenomenon in my life... Feeling, good; actually good. I'm happy and for the first time in a long time I'm not just content to live, I want to live.

It's incredible, and I can hardly believe it. I had long ago begun to doubt that I would ever feel this way again, much less, feel it consistently for over a week.

I'm not suddenly an optimist, or thinking that I'm "fixed" or "healed" I simply can smile instead of cry as I fall asleep, and I can go to class with less dread weighing me down.

I have hope for the future. And I want to see life happen.

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Dear Self (#3)

[this series was in part inspired by the musical Dear Evan Hansen, at the end of which Evan writes: "Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why. Because today at least you're you, and that's enough." it's a beautiful show with a beautiful message that I try to take to heart every day]



Dear Self,

Today is looking like it will be a good day, and here's why:
You went to sleep last night, and let Indy stay with you - it's not often that you've been able to get one of the cats to snuggle - all night long. Waking with her curled up on my legs was a welcome start to the day.
You'll be going dancing later! I know how much you/I love that. So don't forget to get ready.
You've been doing very well the past few days, and I'm proud of you. Please keep up the good work.
You have plans to work on the art homework, but don't stress too much over it, you've got this.

Respectfully,
            Yourself

Friday, February 2, 2018

Dear Self (#2)

[this is a series that I am making to remind myself of the good things in life, and to tell myself that I have value even when I can't see it. I hope that you can also take comfort from it.] 



Dear Self,

Today has been good and will most likely continue as such. You allowed yourself to show passion for something that is often undervalued - that is more admirable than you realize; and through talking of your passion, you were shown talents and skills that you have learned and are still mastering, but that are not easy, and are well worth valuing in yourself. Don't lose the flame of passion, don't let others succeed in attempts to snuff it out, and remember that as a flame needs oxygen so does love and passion, bear it proudly, don't hide it away in the caverns of yourself that were carved by trauma and sorrow, for nothing good can flourish there forever. That passion will warm you when you are cold and feed you when you are hungry, it will burn away the cages that you find yourself in. Trust it, care for it, and let it see the world.
But also, passion isn't the only thing that gives you value. I know it's hard to see, but you are loved and you are helpful and you are worthy of the affection you so earnestly yearn for. You are and will give back to the world, and when the time is right every one - even you/I - will see that.

With wholehearted sincerity,
                                      Yourself