Warning: Some May Find This Content Depressing

                                   ATTENTION: THIS POST IS KIND OF A MESS.
But than again, I am a mess, so it's really not surprising.



Picture this: It's 2:00 am. A sixteen-year-old girl is lying on her bed listening to Happy/Sad from The Addams Family Musical, bawling her eyes out, because the song is giving her a picture of a father-daughter relationship that she never had.

Yes. That girl is me.

And I was crying because instead off a loving, caring, father - I got a monster.

I used to think that I didn't mind, not having someone in the role of "dad". But maybe I was wrong. (Or maybe it's just 2:00 am.)

I went through a life that NO ONE should have to endure. I was betrayed by a person that should have been there for me. And I've come out very battered, bruised, and scarred.

One of my first instincts, is to distrust dads - in books, in movies, in real life. And this obviously stems from my own experience.

I can't imagine what a good relationship with a father-figure is like. (And I have a good imagination.)

My Only Nightmares, Ever, Are About Him.

And so, when I listen to that song, I imagine being in Wednesday's place.
But why am I crying over the song? Because I find it so amazing, and beautiful, and I wish that I had someone that could/would sing that song to me.

I am a person that feeds off of feeling things, and so the knowledge that I will never have the feeling of a great relationship with a father-figure like that; it really gets to me.

Still, having no father, is far better than having a bad one.

~Smithy Rose

P.S. And if you haven't heard the song Happy/Sad from The Addams Family Musical I highly suggest that you go listen to it.

Beautiful People: Friendship Edition

I know that August is almost over, but better late than never! 

Beautiful People is a blog meme hosted by Sky @ Further Up And Further In and Cait @ Paper Fury. Every month, they post ten questions to help you get to know your characters better. 

This month's BP is about Friendship!

This month we will meet:
20-year-old Agent Susan Wright (goes by Sue) and 18-year-old Agent Anthony Bridgewell.


This is Sue:

This is Anthony:
Just make his hair and shirt Red. And remove the Star Fleet insignia.

They are from my novel-in-progress: Agents and Assassins. 

1. How long have they known each other, and how close are they? They have known each other for about two years. They are very close - because they have a lot in common - but they are not quite best friends.
2. What’s their earliest memory of being best friends? As I said up above, they aren't best friends, but they first became really close about a year-and-a-half ago when they were put on Cary Hitchcock's "team". They found refuge in each other - they were both severely intimidated by Agent Law.
3. Do they fight? How long do they typically fight for? So far, they have not fought. They depend on one another too much to do so.
4. Are their personalities similar or do they compliment each other? Well, they are similar in that they are both shy, and they underestimate themselves... Yeah, they are similar.
5. Who is the leader of their friendship (if anyone)? Neither of them lead the friendship, but Anthony will defer to Sue more than Sue to Anthony.
6. Do have any secrets from each other? Yes. But probably not many.
7. How well do they know each other’s quirks and habits? They know how to make each other's coffee just right. Anthony has a lot of "quirks" and Sue is slowly deciphering what each one means. Anthony knows Sue's daily routine (as much as their life has a daily routine) and her habits fairly well. But they are still learning about each other.
8. What kind of things do they like to do together? You mean besides stopping bad guys? They love playing games of all sorts together. They also - on rare occasions, when they have the plane to themselves - will daydream, and share their thoughts.
9. Describe each character’s fashion style (use pictures if you’d like!) How are their styles different/similar? They wear uniforms most of the time, so their styles are very similar. But if they had no dress code Anthony would wear button-up shirts unbuttoned over a t-shirt with jeans. Sue would wear tank-tops and maxi-skirts.
10. How would their lives be different without each other? They would be less confident. And they would be lonely. They are a big part of one another's lives that it is really hard to think of one without the other.

Now, for your pleasure, here are a few snippets from the book:

                                                               ______________

Sue ~

“I am so sorry, I didn’t see you until it was to late to stop—I am so sorry about that,” She said quickly. She had medium toned skin; dark brown eyes; and, straight, black hair, cut in a bob, hanging to just below her chin. Her shirt matched O’Brian’s and Bridgewell’s in style, but hers was dark blue.

Anthony ~

Two large seats at the front of the cabin were occupied: the one in the center—looking everything like a Captain’s seat in a starship—was vacated when they came in, by a boy in a burgundy shirt; looking a few years younger then John, with red hair in short tight curls.

 

Both ~ 

From this bookshelf Sue and Anthony both pulled something: Anthony chose a board game and Sue picked a card game.

                                                                      * * *

Sue’s jaw dropped and the box Anthony was holding fell from his hands, hitting the floor with a crash.

                                                            _____________

There you go! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed answering the questions. :) 

Frustrated

Frustration.

I deal with it all the time. 

And sometimes the feeling will last for days - where just EVERYTHING annoys me and leaves me feeing: Frustrated.

Am I just being petty and hard to please? How do I get easily bothered while at the same time I am very easy-going?

I think it's the response to a stress build up. I can only take so much, and then I can't take anything.

I need recharge time. Which consists of: complete alone-ness, music, and books. Which never happens. Because I have a large family, and a very busy schedule.

So yeah, life is hard.

Any tips on how to lower stress levels? 

Alice We Miss You

Hello. I wrote a poem! It's not that great, and some people might find it a bit morbid, but I wanted to share it with you all anyway. Tell me what you think!

*By the way. I did not write this about anyone in particular. I simply pulled a name out of the air.*

Alice We Miss You: by Me

On and on it rained
In that dreary town
The folks, with tears, were stained
In that bleary town

The undertaker moved
Slowly in his craft
For twas his beloved
That'd be in the shaft.

The old preacher cried
And prayed for the others
For the one that had died
She had had several brothers

The teacher sought relief
Because when he thought,
About it, twas was his belief,
That it was all his fault

The dress-maker stopped
All work on the dress
That she had been making
For young bride Alice

Alice we miss you
Her brothers all said
Alice we need you
But now you are dead.

Alice I miss you
The young undertaker said
Alice I love you
But still you are dead

Alice I'm sorry
The guilt-filled teacher said
I could have done something
But now you are dead

Alice I'm sorry
The dress maker said
In place of a wedding
It's for your deathbed

Alice we miss you
The old preacher said
But this one goodbye
won't be the end.

We'll all meet again,
One day in Heaven,
We'll be whole again,
One day in Heaven.

Something I Struggle With

Yo! How's it going everybody!

Today I'm gonna talk about me! Because really... what else is there? Hahaha... that was a joke... I apologize... but really... probably no one reads this anyway, so...

But here we go. The topic that I'm actually addressing in this post:

Struggles are real, and they are out there, and everybody's got some.
Something I struggle with - and I'm sure some of you can relate - is... TIME MANAGEMENT.
I'm very bad at it. It's quite a problem.
And when you mix that with two of my other qualities: procrastination and forgetfulness; it's REALLY not good.

So, because of those afore mentioned qualities, I'm a little worried about the future. Why???
1. Because I already fill my time up with doing things at the Theatre. I'm there ALL THE TIME. I practically life there.
2. I'm going to take dual-credit this fall - at a college!
AND
3. I'm broke and looking for a job.

I tend to bite off more than I can chew - with just ONE thing controlling my life - so what kind of chaos will my life be when I have TWO or THREE?

So. If you have any tips, suggestions, or advise on life, happiness, sanity, and the universe. Please let me know! I would love to hear from you!

Smithy out!

I'm Back!

Sorry for disappearing for a couple weeks. I am a very busy person. I am also a very forgetful person. But I will strive to do better from now on.

When I started this blog, I thought that I would have a surplus of ideas and eloquent things to say. I was dreadfully mistaken. So now I am muddling around, struggling to find anything to say. I had dreamed that I would be originally profound, but all I can do is echo the words of those who are greater than I.

So that is one reason that I haven't been posting anything. I am feeling uninspired.